I’m not sure what my identity was freshman year, but I was affected a lot by what people said about me. I am a strong believer in the power of words. They have the ability to give life and also to destroy. I learned so much about myself in just four years because of what so many people said. And despite being more on the self-reflective side of the spectrum, I don’t think I was secure enough in myself to not let college and people mold me. When people spoke of my character, both good and bad, it etched itself onto my heart as if it were a fact. Other external forces also shaped who I thought I was like my performance in school, friendships and my major.
Identity traditionally may refer to your heritage and character traits, but I want to challenge you to find the hidden influences in your life that may be shaping what you want and consequently who you become as a person. In extreme cases where society dictates a person’s life, I see it like a chain effect. Your environment influences your thoughts which influences your desires which influences your actions and purpose which is all then used as a way to judge your worth. And while meeting your goals may give you immense temporary happiness, failure can send you into a pit of depression.
I am currently going through a podcast series about prayer by Tim Keller. But for those of you who aren’t religious, I think his message can still be universally applied. In the first podcast of his series on The Lord’s Prayer, Pastor Keller says,
“What makes you who you are isn’t what you think or believe but what you love.”
This makes a lot of sense to me. Whatever hurts you the most is based on the thing you care about the most. If people hurt you, maybe it’s because you are prioritizing your reputation or need for other’s approval and love. If it’s your grades, maybe you’re living in fear of which jobs will want you after you graduate. I want to clarify that a good reputation, job security, etc. are not bad in isolation. I think where it can become a hindrance in your life is if you make it the only thing that matters. And if that continues to cause you stress and anxiety, maybe it’s time that you reorder your loves because the things that are hurting you just don't love you back.
To make my takeaways more concrete going forward I will provide a numbered list, but this list is specific to my freshman self.
1) Find out what you love and care about the most
2) Learn how to filter through all the competing voices around you.
3) Don’t let school and the race for success become your identity.
Push yourself to be the best version that you can be and put the work in to attain your goals. But also know that your work doesn’t equate to your worth or who you are. I think learning to separate your identity from all these miscellaneous things that are vying for your attention earlier rather than later can give you strength to not be as affected by things like rejection, failing, or worries. What I hope for all of us is that we won’t stay complacent with who we are but will always be seeking growth and not placing or worth in things that should not have the power to make or break your life.
“Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be.”-Robert Brault