If you’re reading this, thank you for making it through to the end of my college reflection series!
I think I have learned more about myself by taking time to sit down and really reflect on everything that has happened over the past four years and everything that I’ve subsequently learned. I would recommend this exercise to you as well. You don’t have to make it a formal series like this but journaling here and there could create an expansive memory book that will allow you to remember instances that you may forget in the far away future.
I finished my final last day of class of my undergraduate career yesterday, and it was so bittersweet. Considering the current state of our society, it was more on the bitter side, but it made me think about where I am and where I’m going. In two weeks from now, I was supposed to be walking across the stage at graduation wearing my cap and gown to receive my diploma. But unfortunately for the foreseeable future that won’t be the case. I am entering into my last finals season with only two exams to take and then that’s it. I’m done. I will never be an undergraduate again. And that’s scary more than anything.
Recently, I have been having trouble falling asleep at night. I didn’t think much about it except for how annoying it is to not fall asleep shortly after settling into bed at night. I can’t imagine how those who suffer from insomnia are able to function during the day; my situation isn’t anywhere comparable. But as I have been talking to my close friends, they’ve expressed worry over this new phenomenon because I am known to be the queen of sleep. I can sleep anywhere, fall back asleep after waking up, and I naturally could sleep 9-10 hours a night if the world left me alone. But their concern made me evaluate the situation more, and ultimately, I think the cause of my struggle to fall asleep is associated with the restlessness I feel. Quarantine is especially making me feel confined, but on top of that it’s almost like my body knows that a big change is coming. I’m about to lose all sense of security, identity, and normalcy that became a part of me these last four years.
Being in college is kind of like a security blanket. Whenever people ask you life status questions you have an immediate answer. “I’m a senior at UNC, I’m majoring in media and journalism, etc.” But after I leave undergrad, the next question becomes, “What’s next? Where do you work/what do you do?” And there’s a lot left to figure out before I can fully answer those questions. And with that comes so much uncertainty and fear. But I believe that UNC has prepared me for wherever I go next.
This is our journalism's school's tagline. And I really resonate with it. I know that my next chapter in life won’t have the same routine and possibly the same people, but I am hopeful for the future. I know that I will meet so many new people, hold my best friends close to me into the future, and find ways to use my skills and experiences professionally. I have purpose in wanting to improve myself daily and treat each new day like a gift. I want to leave a positive impact on every relationship I have and I hope I can carry that with me into my workplace. I want to strengthen some skills that I neglected while studying like learning Korean, painting more, reading more books, going to workout classes, etc. I’ve heard that many students experience post-grad depression because of the uncertainty of their next step and the loss of the comfort and fun of college, but I hope that you and I won’t fall into that category. And to do that, we need to be intentional with our mind, soul, and actions.
Senior year has this way of making students feel “old” because they’re the oldest of the group. But seniors, you’re not that old. You’re nowhere near to being done, and you should find joy and excitement in all the possibilities that are still at your fingertips. College was such an exciting, fulfilling, molding, and discipling chapter in life, but once you enter the “real world” you’re back to being “young.” So, embrace your youth, don’t wish your life away by trying to fast forward, take care of yourself, and treat every present moment like it’s precious because you’ll never get it back.
“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.” -Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart